Interesting for relationship and social anxiety sufferers. A very interesting article about how real pain and social pain are biologically and neurologically similar!

The pain of social or romantic rejection hurts! This states that it hurts just like physical pain and therefore our anxiety and flight or fight response around it will work the same.

When we have burned our hand on the stove our brain’s defenses won’t let us touch it again! Likewise if we have been just been hurt by a wild animal we will enter survival mode and avoid it or similar animals again!

This is how we have stayed alive as a species to continue to pass on our genes.

But as the article states, social pain is felt in the same way as pain, therefore we avoid it like physical pain.

We think about it constantly, we look out for the warning signs of it coming, we avoid leaving ourselves exposed to it, we don’t take risks, we anticipate rejection.

This can happen a lot in relationships because if we have been hurt before we don’t want to open up or be rejected by our new partners.

This can lead to unfounded fears that we will be rejected or that they will cheat. This affects a lot of couples who find it hard to trust.

The safety conscious brain can drive us mad with unrealistic thinking, churning thoughts, reading into things and avoidance.

But thankfully there is help out there. CBT therapy is a great way to understand our own brains and to challenge ourselves to think differently.

So many clients tell me they have no reason not to put themselves out there or trust but that their brain can’t help it!

Well like any anxiety those around social pain or the pain of rejection can be helped!

It would still be awful if these things happened! But we don’t have to let what happened in the past to ruin our present and future!

That’s safety doing a 180 degree turn to unhelpfulness!

From my practice in Glasnevin I work with cleints all the time on issues around anxiety, self esteem, confidence and over thinking.

To find out how I work with clients please feel free to get in touch. People can message this Facebook Page, call/text: 087 063 0948 or email me at or fill in the anxiety help contact box on the website.

I’m always delighted to chat to people about how through working with me or with a colleague anxiety can be challenged.

It’s never too late to change how we think about things and work on our inner selves!

Thanks for reading and please like, share or comment if this was interesting!



Anxiety is like a Merry-go-round, going nowhere, it’s ok to step off!